If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. 15. Eat up! 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Landings are mandatory. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. 10. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. Me: Still the wrong number. Did you hear about the big accident on base? The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". I will take the both of you for a ride. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. You divertyour course! This site contains affiliate links. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. 2. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. 55+ Best Pilot Jokes That Fly | Kidadl But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. They all originally set out to become Marines. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? Funny Aviation Jokes - BEST FUNNY JOKES SUB sandwiches! Speed is life. Proceed at your own risk. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Later, I spoke with Mom. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? We recommend our users to update the browser. How tough? 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? Why were the Marines invented? Hey, Im from Chicago too!. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. 5. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. 13. Louis, I grumbled. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2023 Edition) - Marine Approved You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. Only one. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. It was PRIVATE. Aeronautical Humor. 1. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. Stay out of clouds. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Dont think so? Bad altitude. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. A PETTY officer! USMC: OHH! How much noise can we make up here? Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Do you want to hear about my plane?. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Nothing, she said. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. I dont see it.. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation - Pinterest The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". I just put them all together for your amusement. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. It took the poor guy all day. The Marine said Are you crazy? What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. Caller: Do you have his right number? 5. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? Its where we park the helicopters.. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. DeFrigNo! Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. Even his son turned up. How tough? How old are you? a tenant asked. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. USN: Helos As A.J. Caller: Is Sgt. He nodded. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. Officer: Soldier. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. 2. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Military jokes - Pinterest What do hungry Marines eat? And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. They want their patients to see 20:20! It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. Me: Hello? The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids.