Bonus was that the skills I learned translate to my professional and personal life *every day*. My husband and I went for our honeymoon, we had so much fun just walking through all of the hotels and people-watching, plus saw some really great shows. Casinos are closely monitored and have security, and its a very touristy city, so I imagine there are a lot of people out and about at night (at least near the strip). Who was the genius with the idea to build a tourist trap in a desert? I belong to a profession that has an annual convention in Las Vegas. The Sigma Derby game in the MGM Grand is a lot of fun. I agree. Either he socializes with very retrograde people, or hes snowing you when he tells you that hes enjoying full-throated unquestioning support of his attempt to stifle your career. I went for the first time over the summer. It is in some Nevada counties, but not Clark County (which includes Vegas.) This is just.rage-inducingly bonkers. When she would call back, he would accuse her of having left the office to sleep with someone else. My own husband went to Vegas for a conference a few years ago. I was also married to this man. My spouse travels for work all the time. That can do a number to your head if you already had basic anxiety about the travel. Seriously. Hee! There is so much good food in Vegas, I love it there. This is the exact opposite of what youre suggesting, Ramona. I wish you the best. I went two hours to the next town over for a Christmas party, and he spent days before hand stressing about everything that could go wrong on the highway. My mother too. Hey, if they didnt want me to take 2 Jacuzzi baths a day they shouldnt have put a TV in there! the religious environments patriarchal enough that it would be an inherent problem would ALSO have a problem with the woman being the one who works. From so many comments above, what people are missing here is that none of us knows whether the LWs husband is an anxiety sufferer or a control freak. My SO and I ate there in 2013, and he STILL sighs and says, That was a good burger, whenever Las Vegas is mentioned. It is. I find her a little insane in terms of worrying. We have friend who live in a neighborhood of Paris which Fox news publicized as a no go zone because of all those Muslims and Sharia Law and such. I always laugh about when I lived in the Bay Area and my mom would freak out anytime I mentioned doing something in Oaklandshe really could not understand how the city could possibly be different than the way it is portrayed in the media, and assumed I was walking into some drug/murder den on a frequent basis. Many of my colleagues bring their spouse on conferences as a mini vacay for the fun of exploring new cities. Honestly, corporate meetings in Vegas are not the sexfests people think they are. I say this as an anxiety disorder sufferer who becomes excessively worried when my partner travels for work, but of course I support him regardless of the fact that its stressful for me m y anxiety is on me to manage in a healthy way. Hmm. Learning new response skills can only help her overall situation. Husband needs to chill, big time. Its not legal in Las Vegas, although theres probably a lot of escort services, youre probably thinking of Reno, where they have legal brothels that have to follow a ton of regulations. Good luck and enjoy the trip. Fortunately, he wouldnt even ask because, (1) jeez, who needs survey results to help you navigate your marriage? But theres no letting about it. A month? ALSO, there is nothing inherently unwholesome about prostitution OR gambling. Whether or not you go on the trip is secondary. Sounds great. Conversely, if he came home with the same news, my response would be, Thats great! Both individuals will benefit from communication tools to use in challenging this kind of worry-filled thinking. Send a good morning text, a been busy all day, just breaking for lunch text, and a goodnight call each day. Vegas has more hotel rooms than any other city in America, and regular flights to an airport located in the city from every other major city in the country. (A high crime rate gets lots of news coverage, with dramatic photos; a major reduction in the crime rate doesnt, because TV news doesnt want pictures of people walking down the street in safety with friends, doing their shopping, picnicking in the park.). That doesnt mean one party jeopardizes their job and career to make ridiculous accommodations, of course. I am angered that every time I have to go he seems to have an emotional breakdown. I came home to find my SO sitting on a bench, pissed and worried thought I should have called. Yup. Wow, that is some really scummy manipulation. But my wife really worded it in a way to get the Im a crazy jealous husband. Marriage counseling implies that she has some part to play in this; individual therapy for him would help him manage his expectations of realistic safe behavior in a marriage and at work. Ive lived in Vegas for over a decade and have attended many, many conferences here as well as in other cities. (Is he really afraid you will be kidnapped or is he being hyperbolic to try to convince you to stay?). If hes of the mind that the husband should be the breadwinner then it sounds like insecurity about his own career. Itd be easy for the husband to dismiss the wifes concerns as Well SHE wants to cheat. Its actually better that way now for example, its now possible to eat a meal without hearing about keno. You can easily avoid all the sinful things to do in Vegas, if you want to. Its not bad practice to not accept food or drink from strangers, or let your drink out of your sight at a bar, but Id worry about those things much less in Las Vegas than in a local bar. I hope they can find a solution. Someone this uptight probably doesnt have friends. Each year my entire family goes to the beach at the end gets a beach house where we stay for a week. What if you could guarantee there wouldnt be any impact on your career either way, and your husband didnt have an opinion either way? Plus, I like to travel so it was a good excuse. For the OP, thats the problem here. Plan and reminisce together to create shared anticipation beforehand and shared . I think thats reasonable. I am not fond of the recent uptick in stories like this or men and women who wont go on a business lunch alone because its with a member of the opposite sex. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. I worked 100 hours in 8 days. Hes not Master of the House. He chose, and I repeat chose this lifestyle. Yes!! I think youre right, but I think just as often people jump to an abuse/controlling scenario when it involves a relationship. Your company wouldnt put you in harms way, and your husband should trust you enough to no cheat or do something vegasy. Things to consider!! That is not rational and that is not how business or marriages work. Sometimes, friends are there after husbands are gone. I dated a guy like that! In NYC? A room like that in any other city would cost 3 or 4 times that. In which case OP should divorce his sorry ass posthaste, because those guys are genuinely dangerous and also do not deserve companionship. And in the second place, theres definitely nothing that conflicts with the fact that surveying ones friends is not a great way to navigate ones marriage. I think OP and her husband are from a more conservative background. Close Menu. I was admittedly super jealous when Booth got to go to Orlando because Disney World is a lifelong obsession of mine, but I didnt beg him not to go, or tell him that all the other wives I spoke to wouldnt allow it . My mom too! I get heated at the principle of spouses letting each other do things. Absence doesnt make the heart grow fonder, it ruins relationships and I am 3 decades in. (Ive been to LV exactly once, for work. Couples counseling has given us a neutral forum to figure out how to face it together, to help me express how his behavior effects me and our family, and for me to learn how to support him. Business trips are a normal fact of life in many jobs. And ate a lot of food. At that time, she was eating about every 3-4 hours. But he didnt make a peep when we took her to Vegas for our wedding! Sorry if I didnt tie that up explicitly enough. Setting up for a convention and working it and then the take down. It was BAD. I question who he was talking to that would say they wouldnt let their spouses go. Advising someone that most religious counselors would agree with professional norms doesnt help someone in Bible Belt USA or traditionally Catholic Ireland or in rural Saudi Arabia. Or his response could give her more information about what is really on her husbands mind. Not like us isnt automatically the same thing as toxic.. Him: Something something shes just got cold feet about the upcoming wedding. I just want to comment in support of you and your husband. But thats a separate issue. OP, this is HIS issue, not yours. Her explanation was that she knew that the sun set around 4:15ish at that time of year and it was dark outside, therefore I should be inside. I actually didnt tell her I got K&R insurance when I worked in the Philippines and had to travel to an area where nearby skirmishes were going on and kidnappings WERE a concern. This will make him feel valued and appreciated and more likely to want to spend time with you so you won't complain: "My husband never wants to do anything with me.". But if all your life experiences back it up, its not until youre faced with a new point of view (i.e., your wife goes on a business trip) that any of these beliefs even come to the surface. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. assigning women extra work to help them, calling out when youre in the ER, and more. Excuse me? I didnt hear that there were kids. Im being somewhat sarcastic, but maybe a tiny bit serious: I wonder if the concern about her possibly cheating is some kind of fear that the evening networking event is actually a mandatory orgy? Sounds great. I think. I just want to come back to the point about where the first fear of his that you list off, OP, is that youre going to cheat on him. Not sure which update youre looking atshe says she meant wouldnt in that sentence, which means exactly what Coffee Lover is saying. I knew that Counsling was the best step but I needed professional advice to confirm my thoughts. There is no amount of structuring my life that would have kept me from feeling anxious. He wants me to refuse to go, but I think I could lose my position in the company or be treated differently. This is so far outside of normal that if I were in your shoes OP, I would be socking money away so that I could leave him, unless theres something youre not telling us that could possibly justify how he treats you. The irony is, for business trips, Vegas is essentially Disney. Hope youre all right, OP. For example, phone #: 123-333-4567. There are a lot of factors that go into deciding where to hold tradeshows and conferences, and none of them have to do with facilitating people being unfaithful to their spouses. Exactly. Did you see the memo that was going around from Travis Kalanik of Uber (shortly before he was forced out)? Im going to second the suggestion of marriage counseling, but I think your husband sounds controlling and unreasonable. Vegas! Dont try to rationally argue with him; much like a toddler, he isnt thinking rationally and it will get you nowhere. You can have a couple days where youre focused on other things! Ultimately, a relationship cannot survive without trust. Many people we know (work, friends, sometimes family) just cant wrap their head around the fact that we dont need to be joined at the hip 24/7 and that were not jealous. Who knows what they actually said, if he asked at all. HE is the one who needs counseling; going together would send the message that its an us issue. Its a big deal, but its not the end of the world for either of you. What helped me was to realize that this is something Im prone to do, recognize it when its happening, and mentally tell myself whats real and whats not real. Honestly the greatest threat to LWs safety is probably lung cancer from second-hand smoke in the casinos. Irrational fears are just a normal part of life, especially in these days of social media and around-the-clock news coverage, but when they either start holding you back from doing things you want/need to do or start negatively affecting the people in your life, thats a sign youve stepped over the line of normal and should seek help finding that line again. I was bottle feeding at the time and would simply feed as my SO drove as well as changed diapers at either gas stops or just quickly in the car versus making 30-45 min stops. I suppose, trying to be as charitable as possible, I would agree that Vegas has kind of a skeezy reputation and I would prefer a reputable company to do the trip somewhere more wholesome. Most of the shows arent appealing, either, and theyre almost all too expensive. What do you think of the trip? We would stop when we needed gas or a bathroom break but usually wouldn't be stopped for more than 15 min or so. Yup. update: is my future manager a bigoted jerk? I bought a single-serve bottle of wine in the hotel convenience store and enjoyed it in my room. As someone who also suffers from anxiety and irrational fears about my partners safety, this is such a kind response and vivid description of how (otherwise) reasonable people can become unreasonable. I also suggest that he seeks out personal therapy. If someone tells my son, I am a thief, or. I was going to say this, the touristy areas and especially the casinos are crawling with security and cameras. I might just be flinching at the use of the word wholesome, though. Furthermore, Vegas ALSO markets itself as a family vacation and business conference destination. Group Leaders arent expected to spend any additional time in the community, and are not held to a set schedule. Me: Um, what now? Post author By ; impossible burger font Post date July 1, 2022; southern california hunting dog training . The best way to stay up-to-date would be to regularly check the Official Disney Parks Blog . Also conferences in Vegas are soul-crushingly awful and boring. :D. There is nothing unwholesome about Vegas and plenty of reputable companies send their employees there for conferences because the city is set up for it with numerous transportation, hotel and food options. I have to comment on this one. I cordially dislike Vegas. Sorry Sketch, that wasnt aimed specifically at you. Now that we have been together longer, he has settled down and has learned to trust me. Is that an issue as well? He doesnt have to be consciously choosing thesetheyre already out there. Vegas has a convenient airport, massive conference facilities, and tons of hotels that cater to business travelers. Definitely ask him to go to counseling ASAP to work out these issues in your relationship and like Allison said, if he refuses to go it could be very helpful for you to go alone. I have anxiety disorder and I do worry excessively (one time to the point of a panic attack) when my husband travels for work, but thats on me to manage. In fact, were taking separate vacations this year not to Vegas, but we each wanted something completely different, so were going at different times to different parts of the world. Hes worried the worst would happen: I cheat, someone spikes my drink, someone kidnaps me He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go. Give yourself at least 45 min for each stop: time to change a diaper, feed, go to the restroom, maybe change a second diaper before you get back on the road. pathfinder: wrath of the righteous ending slides. I noticed that as well. However, the husband is being ridiculous. Not from the letter and not from the follow ups. She is not the nicest mother in law, either. I won money on a work trip to Vegas - do I have to donate it to my employer? Props to you for doing the hard work of managing this problem. One doesnt just spontaneously undo decades of enculturation, on either side, and women are taught that we are *supposed* to accept emotional baggage AND that it is OUR JOB to do the emotional labor of fixing other peoples negative emotional states. Im flummoxed that a whole group of people would respond this way to a very normal thing like a business trip, particularly when presented with the reasoning OP outlined in the letter. Thats the weirdest part of it to me! It is okay for you to make normal daily choices even if your husband feels anxious about them. If I died while on travel, hed get an insurance payout and be able to live without working for X months; then he could remarry or move or whatnot. But Id want OP to figure out a little more what this behavior of his is really about, and make sure its not his way of trying to control her / torpedo her career, before Id recommend she let him supervise her work trip. Thanks! My wife is suffering from both major depression and anxiety, and she has her individual sessions to work on her mental health issue and were in marriage counseling to work on ourselves as a couple. When I hear wholesome I picture a stereotypical 50s scene with aprons and apple pie and gee golly instead of swearing. If he doesnt trust you, and is otherwise not riddled with anxiety, whats causing that? However, Im not sure if this is the crux of the LWs issue since her husband clearly said that he has a problem with the what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas mentality. Im sure your husband isnt a huge jerk or anything, but this is not healthy and he should not be pressuring you to do something that would risk your job. It doesnt seem like he has much ability to manage his own emotionshes unloading them on you to manage insteadand thats a skill all adults should learn, I think. Any evening events they go to are as likely as not to just be parties. The more I advance in my company, an the more trips I take, the harder it gets. but it was the backbone of learning to manage anxiety. Las Vegas facilities can serve dinner to 5000+ people in less than 30 minutes without breaking a sweat. One learns to cope AT&T helps, also. We are leaving Saturday for a vacation on Florida. Maybe you can rest your husbands anxiety by telling him youll be too busy. Adifficult orstressful situation with in-laws can cause undue stress and anxiety, making you feel rejected and undervalued. We stay at mid-level resorts and usually pay about $40 a night. Copyright 2007 - 2023 Ask A Manager. The counseling would then help them sort out their individual issues as well as provide them tools to handle the communitys judgment as well. I dont think its all that misogynistic cheating isnt the only thing hes worried about. Or hes over-reporting the level of agreement he got? Your husband seems to think he has a say in whether he lets you go. And she would always schedule conferences for her small business in Vegas, for the exact reasons you listed. Hyperbole and feigned hysteria are not the same thing. I mean There isnta rash of kidnappings in Las Vegas, and what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas is an advertising slogan forcollege students and weddingparties, not a warning to spousesof business travelers. One thing I will mention about Vegas is that yes, like anywhere else, things can happen in regards to safety, but that city is so patrolled. Agreed! He should not be demanding that you refuse to go on a business trip and unleashing all of this unfounded anxiety on you. Dont engage with his arguments. Has the OPs spouse ever even BEEN to Vegas? My then-husband and I spent three days in Vegas with two other couples, and the most sinful thing we did was see a strip show that our group leader had accidentally bought us all tickets to. I dont want men to dismiss womens fears, but I have personally had more experience with the opposite men deciding to tell me why I cant/shouldnt do something adventurous. I think it was just awkward phrasing and the intent of the update meant his friends objected to the very idea of letting their spouse go to Vegas. Also theres a debate up thread about if prostitution is legal in Vegas (seems to be no, but it is legal nearby).