I nourish my body every day. I did not trip and fall. 149. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. 173. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. Thank God Im an atheist. 150. Funny positive affirmations do work. 2. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. 214. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. A wishbone. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. 72. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. Today I will embrace the poop. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. Leave me a if you agree! 197. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. I tried, but they wanted cash. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. Edward A. Murphy Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. 70+ Daily Affirmations That'll Rock Your World - Fun Cheap or Free I enjoy every minute of it. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. 56. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 49. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 105. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. 40. Snowballs. The 50 Funniest Inspirational Quotes - Curated Quotes Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. Description for this block. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. Love your enemies. 103. He who laughs last didnt get it. 158. 24. Why did the school kids eat their homework? No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. 74. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. 3. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Bill Murray, 260. Jackie Collins Envelope. Paul Ehrlich, 241. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. 87. 2. 251. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. It doesnt work if it is not open. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Short people with an umbrella. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. I can have peace, even when people irritate me. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? 259. 65. Never take life seriously. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. 43. Unknown. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. 120. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? What is Mozart doing right now? If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. 22. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. 23. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. 181. Only two more days until Friday.". Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. Steven Wright I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 74. How do you count cows? 2. I did it! I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. Robert Bloch. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. 94. Lily Tomlin I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 105. 119 Positive Affirmations For Women To Use Daily - Live Bold and Bloom 195. Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. Why cant you trust an atom? So far, so good. 20 Funny Positive Affirmations for Self-Esteem Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. 243. My chins are a stairway to heaven. Steve Martin, 254. I'm doing great. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Milton Berle, 245. I am calm, patient and at peace. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. In between, I am alive. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. I'm a peli-can! When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. Flip Wilson, 263. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 116. 277. 139. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. You cant have everything, where would you put it? 5. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. East 231. Im gonna be worse., 12. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. I accept my body the way it is today. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? I dont worry about getting older. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! Why did the can crusher quit his job? You cant have everything, where would you put it? I overcome fears by following my dreams. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. I understand success cant happen overnight. Because it was soda pressing. 179. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. 25 Daily Mantras For Positive Thinking | Positive Creators I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. I see the funny side of life more and more. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. 49. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. 57. 188. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 167. 1. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. Oh sheet!. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. 20 Most Powerful Affirmations Because Thoughts Become Things Nobody gets out alive anyway. 196. 69. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. 3. 62 Funny Inspirational Quotes to Motivate Your Team 109. 213. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. 100 Funny Monday Quotes and Sayings - Inside Of Happiness Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. My son is now an entrepreneur. - Unknown. 209. 148. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. Love your enemies. 2. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. My cankles will hold me. 228. - Billie Burke. 134. And a funny bone. What is the tallest building in the entire world? Sincerely, yourself. Stop playing with me., 6. We all need a little energy boost here and there. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. 245. 63. 279. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. 187. 270. 215. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. 27. 51. 34. 182. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! They planet. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? You can't wait for inspiration. Sometimes the M is silent. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. 67. And a funny bone. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. 257. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. 59. 152. I am full of vitality. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. Effective pushing often involves poop. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. "Your mistakes don't define you.". Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. Wilson Mizner You never run out of things that can go wrong. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. 175. 205. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. Roy Lichtenstein. 3. Erma Bombeck Envelope. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. 88. What do you call a bear with no teeth? 128. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. 172. 110 Funny Work Quotes To Jazz Up Your Workplace - Vantage Circle Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. 101. Positive mindset affirmations. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Stop trying to make everyone happy. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes: Short Holiday Sayings - Parade 151. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Cindy from Marzahn 182. 174. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. I see food, and I eat it. Enjoy! Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. 141. Swimming trunks. 69 Funny Affirmations To Lighten Up Your Mood , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. You were too lazy to read that number. I try to see the funny side of every situation. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. 5. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. 256. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. Breasts dont have eyes. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. 210. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. They log in. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? 220. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. I am intelligent. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. 221. "I receive what I believe.". Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. P.D. 59. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. 244. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. I make a difference by showing up fully. 112. 26. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. You have to go after it with a club. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. 85. 273. Today I was a hero. George Burns, 253. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. Helen Giangregorio. 43. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? Your life is your message to the world. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Stuart Turner I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. 81. 1. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 264. Top 40 Best Funny Affirmations To Make Your Day (2023) 91. 38. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. 80. 57. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. Its scary when it disappears. Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. Shoot for the moon. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. Today, I look at my goals. 35. Sincerely, yourself. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? 71. I am too lazy to be lazy. 185. 55. 6. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. 19. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. I enjoy every minute of it. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. How do astronomers organize a party? I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. - Unknown. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. 220. Best friends eat your food. Raimonda.B. 11. Be careful when you follow the masses. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. I am enough. 124. Live life to the fullest. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 1. I always find something funny in every situation. 3. Those who snore always fall asleep first. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Breasts dont have eyes. 143. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. 177. My liver still works. - Christopher Reeve. 104. 46. 192.