clubs. Whos there? Play golf. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. You shot an eight. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. Clubbing. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? 3 / 10. Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. Everyday I'm Schauffele. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. 3. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. It can be rewarding. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. Whos there? All the fans are gone! Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. I like big putts and I cannot lie. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. They have a hard drive. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. Tiagra. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. Henny Youngman, Go play golf. 2. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Why not! When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. In case they get a hole-in-one! But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? Just tap it in. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. 3. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. Tahiti who? Where is the best place to go on vacation? We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. A great shot is when you pull it off. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? Dirt your body. Golf tips are like Aspirin: One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle youll be lucky to survive. Harvey Penick, 17. And that thought is: Dont think. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. 6. Any birdie will do. Get in the hole! The means are as important as the ends. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Twelfth son of the Lama. Jim Murray. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. I had a hole in nothing. I play Bass. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. 1. Please read here for more information. In case he got a hole in one! Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. Go to the golf course. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. Noah. I'm Tiger Woods. How many strokes was that? H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Nothing it should have ducked. I . He was perfecting his swing. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. At the golf corpse! Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. Don't dirt your soul. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! How do you know you should be a golfer? Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. Toggle Navigation Menu . Damn, my shaft's all bent. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. Dirty Golf Sayings. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. I just havent played yet. Muhammed Ali, I mean, who else could say something like this? Just ask my ex -wives. ~ George Bernard Shaw. You must remember not to remember to think. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. 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